Second Thoughts
Tomorrow I leave on my big trip...alone! It's 9:45pm. My flight leaves at 8:30am. I haven't packed a thing! It's not that I'm procrastinating entirely. It has been an extremely busy week/month/summer and I have a lot gathered, just not packed.
Today I took Kira and her best friend, Marquelle, down to BYU for their first EFY. They were so excited for their big adventure and new independence. It was exciting and a tiny bit emotional to drop her off knowing I won't see her for 2 1/2 weeks since I will be gone when she gets back. I am so excited for her and the spiritual experiences she will have this week. I can't wait to hear all about them!
Tonight as I put the kids to bed I sat and talked with each one before saying good night. I kissed foreheads and stroked cheeks while I snuggled up and chatted with each one of my younger four children. I told them how much I loved them and how much I will miss them. I laid down between Mikey and Isaac to help them fall asleep. I haven't done that all summer. I snuggled up with my arms around Mikey and holding Isaac's one hand while he combed through my hair with his other hand. I started to tear up. I started to have second thoughts about this trip. I don't know if I can handle being away for that long!
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of going to Europe. I love that I will get to spend time with my Mom and brother. I love that I will see new places and meet new people and experience new cultures that will broaden and enlighten my perspective on this wonderful world of ours. But I am dying to think that I won't be able to see my six favorite people for 16 days! That is a LONG time to be away! I'm not sure I can do it. I feel my weepy-type emotions coming to the surface more than usual.
I feel calm and peaceful about going. I don't have any anxiety that something bad will happen to me or my family while I'm gone. I know we will see each other soon but I still feel that anxiety of leaving them. Of leaving Jeff, my husband and my best friend. Of leaving my kids, missing their activities, missing Calvin's 12th birthday, soccer tournaments, getting ready for school, etc. Of missing kissing their cheeks every night and talking about their day. I will have limited cell phone service since it's so expensive to call ($.99 per minute on the "value" package). I will have WiFi for over half of the trip so we can FaceTime or Skype. I told them each to email me every day. I hope they do. I hope I can handle being away and enjoy this unique opportunity in front of me! My friend told me of a word their family made up for this type of feeling. They call it being "scited." Scared and excited all at once. That pretty much sums up my emotions right now!
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Today I took Kira and her best friend, Marquelle, down to BYU for their first EFY. They were so excited for their big adventure and new independence. It was exciting and a tiny bit emotional to drop her off knowing I won't see her for 2 1/2 weeks since I will be gone when she gets back. I am so excited for her and the spiritual experiences she will have this week. I can't wait to hear all about them!
Tonight as I put the kids to bed I sat and talked with each one before saying good night. I kissed foreheads and stroked cheeks while I snuggled up and chatted with each one of my younger four children. I told them how much I loved them and how much I will miss them. I laid down between Mikey and Isaac to help them fall asleep. I haven't done that all summer. I snuggled up with my arms around Mikey and holding Isaac's one hand while he combed through my hair with his other hand. I started to tear up. I started to have second thoughts about this trip. I don't know if I can handle being away for that long!
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of going to Europe. I love that I will get to spend time with my Mom and brother. I love that I will see new places and meet new people and experience new cultures that will broaden and enlighten my perspective on this wonderful world of ours. But I am dying to think that I won't be able to see my six favorite people for 16 days! That is a LONG time to be away! I'm not sure I can do it. I feel my weepy-type emotions coming to the surface more than usual.
I feel calm and peaceful about going. I don't have any anxiety that something bad will happen to me or my family while I'm gone. I know we will see each other soon but I still feel that anxiety of leaving them. Of leaving Jeff, my husband and my best friend. Of leaving my kids, missing their activities, missing Calvin's 12th birthday, soccer tournaments, getting ready for school, etc. Of missing kissing their cheeks every night and talking about their day. I will have limited cell phone service since it's so expensive to call ($.99 per minute on the "value" package). I will have WiFi for over half of the trip so we can FaceTime or Skype. I told them each to email me every day. I hope they do. I hope I can handle being away and enjoy this unique opportunity in front of me! My friend told me of a word their family made up for this type of feeling. They call it being "scited." Scared and excited all at once. That pretty much sums up my emotions right now!
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