My Biggest Fears

Monday, December 14, 2015

I was thinking about fear the other day. I’m not really a fearful person. I don’t have a lot of anxiety and I generally don’t stress over things too much. But as I thought about it I think I can distill any and all fears I have down to two main things: fear of loneliness and fear of regret. My biggest fear is losing Jeff. He is my best and closest friend. We do everything together and we talk and talk for hours about everything and anything. And he forces me to be social. I have been riding on his social coat tails since we met 18 years ago and if I didn’t have Jeff I might just become an introverted hermit and never leave the house.  But I feel like as long as I am with Jeff, I can do anything! That might sound bad, like I can’t be my own person or I’m not independent. I actually am quite independent. I have my own thoughts and dreams. I have my own goals and ambitions and work independently on many things. But the reality is that we are better together. Both of us are. I feel like we are just what Aristotle said when he said, “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”

My other fear is regret. This is often what drives me to swim in a freezing cold lake or jump off a cliff or just get up and DO stuff. I don’t what to regret not doing it. I don’t want to sit on the beach and watch the others play in the waves. I want to experience it all. Sometimes it probably makes me sort of ADHD, especially while traveling. Sometimes I have a hard time relaxing because I don’t want to miss anything. I firmly believe that life belongs to those who do and that luck favors the bold.

I’ve been reading about Teddy Roosevelt and he was the epitome of a doer. He never stood still. He lived life at full speed. And he played by his own rules, never being motivated by loyalty to a group or person, yet he was guided by a strong sense of integrity and desire for the greater good of the country. He had his flaws to be sure but his life and leadership and thirst for adventure and fierce determination to accomplish what he set out to do is inspiring to me.

One of my favorite quotes by Teddy Roosevelt: